The Last Protector Read online

  "So,” she asked as she put her fork down, “what's your proposition?"

  "We're not from around here,” Jape said. “We don't know the area very well. We've heard about an old building to the southwest that may have something we're interested in—"

  "Treasure?"

  "Let's just say we're very interested in what's there, and we're willing to pay for a guide."

  "Well, I don't know how much I can help you. I've never been very far from town."

  "That may not matter. Instinct tells me you're the right person to accompany us, and I've learned to trust my instincts. Besides, I believe you have a special talent that will be extremely valuable."

  "I have a special talent? What is it?"

  Jape's voice was dead serious as he said, “I believe you can read minds."

  "Yeah, right.” She sighed. “And just when I thought I'd found a real job."

  Snap! The breadstick crumbled in Jape's fingers. Scrornuck opened his left eye a bit more.

  She pushed her chair back from the table, shaking her head in frustration. “Mind reading! Of all the ridiculous...” She dropped her napkin on the table. “Thank you for breakfast,” she said formally, “and good day, sir!"

  Jape stared as Nalia walked briskly away. Scrornuck hurried toward the door to intercept her.

  "And what do you want?” she demanded.

  "To buy you a drink."

  "What for?” She raised one eyebrow warily.

  "Because I want to. I'm new in town, I enjoyed having a beer with you last night, and I hoped you'd enjoy having one with me.” He smiled his best smile, hoping she'd find it appealing, and gazed at her face. A part of his mind tried to figure out her ancestry. Her brown eyes, high cheekbones, and the subtle red tint in her tan suggested Native American, while her long legs and the hint of a wave in her brown hair pointed at Scandinavia. Another part of his mind said, who cares? He'd already fallen for her—for the way her hair swung as she spoke, for her melodious voice, and most of all for the way she'd stood up to both that gang of thugs in the bar and Jape.

  "No tricks?"

  "Trust me.” He smiled again. “We're the good guys."

  "Everybody says that,” she muttered. “What the hell, a drink is a drink. Let's go."

  They sat at the bar, Scrornuck taking a stool with a view of Jape's table. He ordered a Heavy Red Lager, while Nalia opted for a Pale Sunrise White wine. “I notice you're still keeping an eye on your friend,” she said as she sipped.

  "That's my job. I'm his Protector."

  "What's he need protection from?"

  "Maybe nothing, maybe a lot. We'll find out, probably before we want to."

  "Maybe he needs protection from his own crazy ideas. Really, that rot about me being able to read minds—” She gazed into his bright green eyes and squinted, her forehead wrinkled with concentration. “I haven't the slightest idea what you're thinking."

  "Maybe I wasn't thinking anything."

  "Yeah, right. You act as though you believe this nonsense."

  He shrugged. “Never read anybody's mind, and nobody's ever read mine.” He smiled again and tapped the top of his head. “Not much there to read, I'm afraid. But I don't have to believe in mind reading to do my job—I just have to keep my sword handy and my eyes open. Jape's offering you a business deal: we're going to visit something that's important to him, he wants you to come along and he's willing to pay. If he's right, and you can read minds, you've discovered a talent you didn't know you had."

  "And if he's wrong?"

  "You come home with a pocket full of money."

  "How much money?"

  "Whatever you ask."

  "I could ask a lot."

  He lifted the pint that he'd purchased for two of the smallest copper coins. “Judging by the price of beer, I'd ask for three gold pieces a day."

  "Three gold pieces?” Her jaw practically bounced off the bar. “I don't make that much in..."

  "Three gold pieces a day, plus expenses,” he repeated firmly. “At the very least."

  "Three gold pieces a day.” She looked at Scrornuck, looked across the pub at Jape, listened to the silver pieces rattling in her purse, and quickly downed the remainder of her wine. “I think I can pretend to believe him."

  * * * *

  "So, what do you want me to do?” Nalia asked as she returned to her seat. Scrornuck, hearing the negotiations resume, settled back to continue his after-breakfast nap.

  "For now, be our local guide on a three-day trip.” Jape pointed to the softscroll, which displayed a map showing little more than the city and the forest. “I'm told there's an abandoned building called the Executive Palace down this way. Heard of it?"

  "Nope. But you hardly need a guide if you know where you're going."

  "There's something else, something with a talent similar to yours. My intuition says it's important to bring you and that something together."

  She shook her head as if trying to clear it out. “Do you have any idea what this ‘something’ is?"

  "None at all."

  "So we could all get eaten by a dragon or something.” Despite the morning's pleasant warmth, she shivered.

  Scrornuck opened one eye. “You're afraid of dragons? I thought this town worships the big lizard."

  "That's disrespectful,” she snapped. “Almost blasphemous. There are people in this town who'd throw you in jail for a remark like that.” She shot Scrornuck a look that suggested he must be the dumbest man on earth. “Everybody knows Spafu is the only friendly dragon! The others would just as soon eat you alive."

  "Mister Saughblade doesn't know that,” Jape said smoothly, “which is why we need you as a guide. We'd like to stay out of trouble as much as we can.” He looked pointedly at Scrornuck. “Isn't that right?"

  Scrornuck grunted noncommittally.

  "As for unfriendly dragons,” Jape continued, “that's why I travel with a Protector. He can take care of anything we might encounter."

  Nalia looked dubiously at Scrornuck lounging in his chair, half-asleep, with at least two beers in his belly. “I'm not sure he can take care of much."

  Jape lobbed a breadstick in Nalia's direction. There was a blur of movement, and suddenly Scrornuck was standing, holding a large knife upon which the breadstick was neatly skewered. “Mister Saughblade is full of surprises,” Jape said. “Do we have a deal?"

  "Probably,” she said. “I don't believe for one second that I can read minds. But I can pretend I do—if the price is right."

  "I'll offer five silver pieces a day."

  She glanced at Scrornuck, who surreptitiously held up three fingers. Taking a deep breath, she said, “Three gold pieces a day, in advance, plus you provide all food and lodging. Deal?"

  Jape looked at Nalia, then at Scrornuck, and again at Nalia. Then, with a slight sigh, he reached into his purse. “You drive a hard bargain."

  "I get good advice."

  "That you do,” Jape said, handing Nalia her nine gold pieces. He left a moderately generous tip, and the three headed for the door.

  * * * *

  "The whole world's here!” Scrornuck exclaimed as he stepped through the Guest Gate. The crowd filling Temple Square seemed to have come from everywhere—he saw people in long, loose desert robes, Elizabethan-style tights and ruffled shirts, crisp, modern military uniforms, buckskin and beads, and more. The people themselves were as varied as their dress—while most appeared to be Native American, the crowd included at least a few people from every land on Earth.

  Trumpets blared, and a row of young men and women carrying tall poles topped by silver treble clefs and images of Spafu stepped smartly into the Square. Marching bands followed, and behind them came gaily attired dancers, flag-wavers, tumblers, and teams of people singing merrily as they pulled elaborate floats. The floats’ ornately costumed passengers threw strings of beads, coins and other baubles to the spectators, and children ran about, weaving and ducking between the adults as they fought mock battles o
ver the trinkets. One child stopped and stared up at Scrornuck with unabashed curiosity for several seconds before giving a shy half-wave and disappearing into the crowd.

  A large copper coin sailed over Scrornuck's head, and he instinctively leaped to catch it. “Three free drinks!” he boasted, slipping the coin into his sporran. Nalia won the battle to catch a gaudy string of beads, and with a laugh she placed them around Scrornuck's neck.

  The parade's final and most spectacular float was festooned with images of the Friendly Dragon. Its sole passenger was a short, rather pudgy man, resplendent in garish red robes and a turban topped with a golden likeness of Spafu. Scrornuck nudged Nalia. “Who's that?"

  "You don't know? That's Rosaiah, the High Priest!” She looked at him as if he'd just asked the world's dumbest question.

  The float stopped before the balcony of City Hall, where the Mayor of Taupeaquaah swayed unsteadily. Two Guards supported him: on his right, her arm firmly linked with his, a crisply white-uniformed woman with short blonde hair, and on his left, a bored-looking young man whom Scrornuck instantly recognized. “Hey, isn't that your special friend up there?"

  "Yeah,” Nalia said. “I guess he wasn't lying when he said he's a big shot."

  As the float resumed its movement, the Mayor disappeared behind the balcony's rail, apparently being sick. Scrornuck chuckled. “Looks like he had too much fun last night."

  "The Saturday night before the Sacrifice is a big blowout for the whole town,” she said. “The Mayor's expected to show leadership."

  The High Priest's float came to a graceful halt before the Temple. A horde of muscular young men wearing little more than loincloths quickly extended a gangplank and stood at attention as the Priest sashayed down to the building's grand, curving porch. “Where'd they find these guys?” Scrornuck asked, feeling a little envious.

  "There's a big Pageant,” Nalia said, keeping her eyes on the men. “We pick the best-looking guys in town to be Acolytes. I once dated a guy who got picked—he spent eight hours a day working out, and a couple days before the Pageant he waxed off all his body hair.” She licked her lips. “What a hunk of meat."

  "Um.” Scrornuck now felt more than a little envious. “Do they have women Acolytes too?"

  She nodded. “Spring and fall."

  "And do the women dress like that?"

  "Of course.” Her look made Scrornuck feel like he was setting the world record for stupid questions. “Why else would we pick the girls with the biggest..."

  "We get the idea.” Jape said.

  Scrornuck grinned. “We need to come back in the fall."

  The parade disbanded, the floats heading into the short street as the performers mingled with the crowds. Trumpets sounded, and everyone turned to face the Temple as flames and smoke suddenly belched from the mouth and nostrils of the great dragon statue. “Bloody hell,” Scrornuck muttered, noticing for the first time the mountains of sacrificial merchandise beneath the dragon's outstretched wings.

  Rosaiah walked grandly to the High Altar at the Temple's gate, where he reverently removed his sandals and set them atop the altar. A moment later, flames roared forth, consuming them.

  The crowd went wild as the Sacrifice got underway. In seconds the many altars around the Square were ablaze. The Acolytes, soaked in sweat and streaked with soot and ashes, carried armloads of clothing, furniture and footwear to the fires, while the faithful threw more and more offerings onto the piles.

  Jape shook his head in amazement as he stared at the spectacle. Scrornuck was less impressed. “Let's get out of here,” he muttered, striding purposefully toward the Cast Quarter.

  "You!" the High Priest roared as they passed beneath the dragon's flaming mouth. Rosaiah stretched out his arm and pointed at Scrornuck's boots—knee-high dark leather, trimmed with fringe and encrusted with silvery bits that seemed to move as he walked. “That is the finest footwear ever seen in Taupeaquaah! An offering worthy of the High Altar!"

  "Not bloody likely,” Scrornuck muttered. He pointedly turned his back on the Priest and kept walking.

  "Did you not hear?” Rosaiah demanded. “I grant you the honor of making your sacrifice on the High Altar!"

  With the crowd blocking their path, the three had no choice but to face the Priest. Jape attempted to intercede. “We are guests in Taupeaquaah,” he said, stressing the word guest. “We aren't familiar with your traditions."

  "And the mighty Dragon has brought you here to learn! Now come up and make your offering!"

  "Forget it, turban-boy!” Scrornuck shouted. “Your pet lizard can buy his own shoes!"

  Rosaiah staggered back as if punched in the belly. “Blasphemer!” he bellowed.

  "Idolater?” Scrornuck suggested.

  "You cannot keep from the Dragon what is rightfully his!"

  The crowd closed in around Scrornuck, Jape and Nalia, and more than a few Mayoral Guards moved in their direction. Almost unconsciously, Scrornuck pulled the sword-grip from his belt and gave it a firm squeeze. The sparkling, glass-like blade appeared, nearly five feet long and pointed directly at the Priest. “You want my boots? Well, come and get ‘em!"

  Scrornuck and Rosaiah stared, unblinking, into each other's eyes for several tense seconds. Finally, the priest turned away, sneering, “Go! You are not yet worthy to offer your gift to the Friendly Dragon! But know this: you will suffer for your arrogance. You will be humbled. You will find out what it means to offend the great Spafu. And before this Fortnight of Sacrifice is out, you will return to this altar and present your offering!"

  "In your dreams, Rosey,” Scrornuck shouted as he led the group away. “In your dreams!"

  "Mister Saughblade,” Jape said, as they left the Square and entered the narrow, twisting streets of the Cast Quarter, “can't you go even twenty-four hours without picking a fight?"

  Scrornuck shrugged. “He started it."

  "You didn't have to pull a weapon,” Nalia said. “Nobody was going to hurt you."

  "Could've fooled me,” Scrornuck said.

  "See this?” She pointed to the blue paper tag dangling from a buckle on his jacket. Jape wore a similar tag, clipped to his cape. “We don't harm guests."

  "I thought it was a lift ticket.” Scrornuck inspected the tag, which bore the word “GUEST” and a number. “So, if I'd been wearing this last night, those guys wouldn't have thrown a punch at me?"

  She rolled her eyes skyward. "They were Mayoral Guards. Even off-duty, they're allowed to strike a guest.” Her tone implied this should explain everything. It didn't, but he suspected that asking more questions wouldn't, either.

  * * * *

  Although Taupeaquaah stood on a flat plain, the streets of the Cast Quarter constantly rose and fell, providing a fine place from which to watch the duel that had suddenly erupted on a street corner. A man and a woman, neither much over seventeen, stood in the center of the intersection, swords raised, as a crowd gathered. With great formality, the woman removed a ring from her left hand, dropped it on the pavement and stepped on it.

  Jape leaned against a lamppost to watch. “What's going on?"

  "Broken engagement,” Nalia said. “She had his ring on her left hand, and he's still wearing her Residence Pass around his neck..."

  "What's a Residence Pass?"

  Rolling her eyes in a way that suggested she was earning those three gold pieces, she held up the small bronze token hanging from a chain around her neck. “Here's mine—it's the key to my apartment in the Cast Quarter. My parents bought it for me when I finished school. He gave her the ring when they got engaged, she gave him her Pass as a symbol of the life they'd share. Now that they're breaking up she wants it back, and he doesn't want to return it."

  The duel began with a series of thrusts and parries that struck Scrornuck as rather ceremonial. “They're not exactly out for blood, are they?” he said. “She could have taken his head off if she wanted to."

  "That'd be uncivilized!” Nalia said indignantly. “They're just s
ettling a disagreement."

  The woman spun around and put a foot in the man's stomach. As he staggered back she grazed his cheek with the tip of her sword, just enough to draw blood. Then, the matter apparently settled, both lowered their weapons and bowed. He handed her the Residence Pass, picked up the flattened ring, and walked away while the onlookers applauded.

  Scrornuck scratched his head and stared. “That's it?"

  "She drew blood, she got her Pass back, the engagement is over."

  First blood ends the duel? Scrornuck thought, and exploded in laughter. “I'm gonna love this place!"

  * * * *

  Nalia giggled and Jape did his best to ignore Scrornuck as he sang:

  Here we come a-waddling, all through the grocery store,

  Up and down the aisles, load the shopping cart with more!

  Pretzels, munchies, chips and beer,

  Will give you a giant rear,

  And you'll be on a starvation diet all next year!

  Lay off the beer if you don't want a giant rear!

  They were, in fact, pushing a small cart through the aisles of the If We Don't Have It, You Don't Need It Convenience Emporium, loading it up with such necessities as a skin of wine, a six-pack each of light lager and Batatat's Stout, generous hunks of meat, cheese and bread, and various snacks. When it seemed the cart would hold no more, Jape paid from his seemingly inexhaustible purse, and they wheeled their load into the street.

  Nalia stopped at a small nook in the outer wall of the store and inserted her Residence Pass into a slot. Two gold pieces and a few silver coins dropped into her waiting hand.

  She noticed Jape watching her with a curious expression. “It's payday,” she said. “Everybody with a Pass gets this allowance once a week. You can live on it, but if you want to enjoy much of life you still need a job."

  "This is your allowance for a full week?” Jape inspected her handful of money. “And I'm paying you three gold pieces a day?"